How to be a great customer...

I have worked in customer service for approximately 5 years. I must say, many people have no clue what they are doing when addressing their customer service concerns. I wholly understand that you may feel that the company that you have invested your time and/or money into have wronged you in some way. I have been there many times. However, it's not acceptable to show up to the establishment in question and throw a grown up temper tantrum to the point that the employees have no other options but to call the police. (This happened to one of my customers.) You can keep your cool and get some resolution. It's not hard! I have put together some tips for everyone, so you don't have to resort to being "that customer".

1. Self-reflection
This is probably the customer service desk's #1 pet peeve. People who blow their top because there was one miniscule mistake or inconvenience was experienced. These folks are not the ones who are getting the red carpet rolled out for them. Look at your problem that you're experiencing. Rate this on a scale of 1 to 10. A 1 being one piece of burnt kernel in your ENTIRE large bag of popcorn. A good example of a 10 would be finding a dead body in the back of your car after getting it back from your dealership. Don't scream, throw punches or call people names because the likelihood of you being at a level 10 is slim to none. Just state your case to the person assisting you and see what they can do to fix it.

2. State only facts
My issue is ________. That is all you can really say. When you go into the reason that this is an issue, it can be ruled out as a subjective complaint. What bothers you may not bother the rest of our clients, so we are going to dismiss this situation.

That customer would say things like: My issue is with my salesman because I feel that he is the devil's spawn.

Once you use the "I feel" statement, the complaint becomes subjective in nature and the company will gladly dismiss it.

Before going to make your complaint, identify the issue specifically and what exactly you would like the company to do for you. They're going to listen and let you know if that is possible.  If you want to provide supporting arguments as to why you feel your salesman is the scum of the earth, then you can do so in the following way.

You should say things like: I have looked into the price for a _______ and with this information I've concluded that I am being charged too much for _______.

3. Take off your sassy pants
It is not appropriate to wear your sassy pants to the customer service desk. We can tell when you're walking up to the desk that you have an issue. Our job is to fix the problem to the best of our abilities. You are not doing yourself any favors being sassy with your associate. They stop wanting to help you when they see the sassy pants. No sassy pants.

Also. Do not tap on things. Counters. Tills. Windows. It will not fly.

4. If you must ask for a manager, do so nicely.
There is nothing worse than when someone says "Well I'm going to have to speak with your manager!" The second worst thing is when someone will not even give us the opportunity to help and immediately ask for a manager. Sometimes the solution is easy, but you as a customer make it a longer process by dodging the front line of defence. Believe it or not, the pawns in a corporation are of use. Give them the chance go give you their best solution and if you feel that there is more that they can do, then politely ask for a manager. "I realize that you've done all that you can to help me, so I would like to speak with someone with higher authority. Thank you." See how nice that is? It's not impossible to get what you want while still treating people like human beings.

5. When you can't get what you want
It will happen. Unfortunately. I never said no to customers who legitimately had a problem. If they are saying no, I implore you to go back to step 1. Assess what the issue is and if you're reacting appropriately.

As a customer service rep, when people followed the steps outlined above, I usually knew exactly what I could and would be willing to do for them after my first encounter with them. If it was nothing at all or a reimbursement. On the occasion that I had to deliver a "no", I would give all the supporting arguments that brought me to that decision and try to explain why we are making no offer at this time. People usually freak out when they get a "no". 

That customer would say things like:
I will never buy _______ again. This is the worst thing since Hiroshima and Nagasaki. You, as a customer service representative, are Jeffrey Dahmer reincarnated. You are actually killing me.

You should say things like:
Are there some services and/or merchandise that you could offer me to alleviate my frustrations with this product/service/etc?

Give the representative the opportunity to do SOMETHING for you. If they are saying no to what you have suggested, then give them the opportunity to give you their best offer. I've given oil changes to hundreds of people just to thank them for taking the time to make a complaint.

In the end, what I'm trying to say is be nice. Ask for what you want and be flexible.

Being The Most Interesting Interviewee...

Since I have been home from Ottawa, I have been looking for a job. Looking for a job may be a loose interpretation, but nonetheless, I landed myself an interview at Walmart after I got a tip from one of their current employees.

One of the managers called me on Wednesday, asked me a series of questions and informed me that they would like to see me for a group interview. Now, I hate group interviews... But the reason why is another story in and of itself... But to say the least, I was anxious. I was nervous going into it that I wouldn't have the opportunity to show off my skills in the work field. (Something I love to do, I'm about as vain as a peacock.) But really, in an interview, you have to be able to sell yourself or you're not going to get the job. So I went in, knowing that I would have to make an impression on the people conducting the interview.

To skip over the more boring parts of the interview, I'll just get straight to the fun part.

We were placed in pairs and we were given the most ridiculous products they could find in the store and asked us to sell it to a specific individual. My partner and I had the joy of selling a Darth Maul alarm clock to a grandma... I had no idea what to do. I do not do sales. My partner and I examined the packaging and determined that the only way this would have any appeal to a grandma would be if they were buying it for their grandchild. So, we went with that. As the other groups began presenting, they were all acting their sales pitch out. I turned to my partner and asked him if he wanted to act this out. He agreed that it was probably best and I put on my improv face. I haven't done any improv acting since high school... And even then, it wasn't the best. I was far more appreciated in choir.

Our turn came and I explained that we were given this ridiculous alarm clock and that I would be playing a grandma... As I hunched over and began to speak with a Brittish accent. The entire panel of managers roared. They laughed so hard! I asked my partner things like "What is Star Wars?" "Is this appropriate for my grandson? He's 10." We ended the scene when I had accepted the product. I literally got a round of applause and as I shook their hands to leave, one of the members of the panel referred to me as "The Queen". I nearly died.

I obviously focused on being very professional and put together at all other moments of the interview. Hahahaha. Honestly, if they don't want to hire me after that hilarity, I don't know what else I could have done to convince them. My sense of humor is obviously my best quality, in my humble opinion.