Funny Friday: ______ gone wrong

At my work, we have a code for calling the police and it is "call the bacon." Now, we only call them for emergencies. Some people, however, like to call them for less important things...

I have officially decided that I will not be a 911 dispatcher any time soon. Far too many incompetent people. When I was the owner of a blackberry, I accidentally called 911. Anyone who has a blackberry knows how easy it is to do so. I didn't even realize that that had happened because it was 7:30am and they called me back immediately and I sheepishly admitted to my pocket dial. They informed me however that if this does happen, that you should stay on the line and let them know because they have to call back if you hang up before speaking to someone. Just a fun fact!

I also love, love, love dances that end horribly. Oh. My. Goodness. Nothing funnier. For example:

I always assume that people are fine when I watch falling videos, otherwise I want to cry. And put them in a spinal hold. 

Have a great weekend!

They lost their WHAT?

As you all know, I work as a lifeguard at a beautiful water park with well behaved, rule following guests... I usually have some pretty great stories of my own to share. While this story is not my own... well, it was just exceptional.

At Calypso Themed Waterpark, we have a lazy river type of amusement called the Jungle Run. Throughout the Jungle Run, there are 7 lifeguards stationed with walkie-talkies, rescue floats and first aid kits. Prepared for the worst and hoping for the best. Now occasionally there will be some moron who loses their brand new pair of Oakley's in the Jungle Run and they will ask the lifeguard if they have seen them. Usually this follows with an announcement over the radio that if any lifeguard has found a black pair of Oakley's to please return them to Jungle Run 1 to 7.

This being said, my dear friend Kira was working at Jungle Run one fine afternoon when a woman swam up to her. This woman then asked Kira to come closer, as if to tell Kira a secret. So Kira bent down to this woman's level. The woman whispered in her ear. "I seem to have lost my prosthetic breast in the Jungle Run... It doesn't really matter. I just don't want a kid to find it and start playing with it or something..."

When Kira told me this story, I nearly peed my pants. HOW DO YOU LOSE THAT?! What a strange thing to lose... Kira, however, remained composed. She asked the woman to go around the Jungle Run one more time, and if she didn't find it, then Kira would announce it over the radio for the other guards to look for it.

As that woman swam around, Kira stood at her station wondering how odd this announcement would be over the radio... "Attention all jungle runners, a guest has lost her prosthetic breast in the jungle run... If you find it, if you could pick it up and let me know. Thank you." Needless to say, this was the last thing Kira wanted to do.

Thankfully the woman found her breast in the Jungle Run on her second lap. Kira was a bit relieved and it made for a great story!

I'm going to try to post more often... I am just so busy these days! Also, I registered for my college courses this week. VERY EXCITING!

What I've learned in 2 decades...

I know that I have technically been an adult for 2 years now, but I actually feel like a grown up now. I mean not very many people take 18 or 19 year olds very seriously... Heck, I didn't take myself very seriously. I've never really felt like life was passing me by until today. Did I blink? Is this what all the old people keep talking about?

And this is last year's guide... AH!

I feel that I've learned a lot in the last 10 years. I've done a lot of personal growth and I find it seriously amazing that I have come to the point in my life where people come to me for advice... Yeah. I know. What are these people thinking? Anyways, for my birthday, I thought I would share some of my 20 year old wisdom with you all. 

Let it all go. If there is anything I know for sure, it's that very, very few things are in your control. What offends people, who you remain close with, the opportunities you are denied or given... The only things you can control is your attitude and how you choose to act. The rest you have to let go. The bitterness is self-inflicted and you are the only one stopping you from being the happiest you've ever been. Stop holding grudges, being offended, saying mean things about people... Just live your life! (Thanks Rihanna.)

Be kind. This is something that has been more recently, can we all just stop hating each other? Is that so difficult? Stop talking about people behind their backs. Don't say mean things about people! If you wouldn't want someone saying that about you, then maybe you shouldn't be saying it... 

Not only have I learned the importance of being kind to others, I have learned to be kind to myself. We are our biggest critics and you need to learn to LET GO of all the small things you don't like about yourself. A small thing that I don't like about myself, that I will share, are my eyebrows. They are monstrous when I do not weed whack them. I hate them. A lot. They're a pain in the butt. I've accepted that I have huge eyebrows and have found a miraculous woman to tame them for me. (If you want her contact info, message me. She is amazing.) Sure, a lot of things that we don't like about ourselves are not so easily resolved as finding a great aesthetician but you can learn to deal with them. When it comes to character flaws, you need to learn to forgive yourself for your short comings. No one is perfect. I know women struggle with their appearances, but God makes no mistakes. You are beautiful.

While I could go on for days about all the things I have learned, I will stop here. I hope you're all having a fabulous day! Also, happy birthday America... Your party is always so much cooler than mine...