Funny Fridays: Discovering Tumblr & A Cool Shower

Over the last little while, I have been going to the same source for my internet entertainment. It has been tumblr. While I found it very confusing at first, I think I have found the hang of it. I love two blogs in particular.

How Do I Put This Gently
What Should We Call Me

Mine is My Sentiments Exactly (obviously modeled after the two stated above.)

Basically, what happens with tumblr, is that it's like blogspot and twitter and instgram all shoved into one. You can post videos, quotes, pictures, all of that good stuff very very easily. If you like something you can reblog it, it's similar to a retweet. You also have a home screen which is like your news feed on Facebook or your timeline on Twitter. It's filled with all the posts from the people you have subscribed to... This being said, this came up on my home screen on Wednesday... and I had to share it with you guys. I can't even... I don't know what this is. My initial reaction was this.

Have a great weekend!

Being The Most Interesting Interviewee...

Since I have been home from Ottawa, I have been looking for a job. Looking for a job may be a loose interpretation, but nonetheless, I landed myself an interview at Walmart after I got a tip from one of their current employees.

One of the managers called me on Wednesday, asked me a series of questions and informed me that they would like to see me for a group interview. Now, I hate group interviews... But the reason why is another story in and of itself... But to say the least, I was anxious. I was nervous going into it that I wouldn't have the opportunity to show off my skills in the work field. (Something I love to do, I'm about as vain as a peacock.) But really, in an interview, you have to be able to sell yourself or you're not going to get the job. So I went in, knowing that I would have to make an impression on the people conducting the interview.

To skip over the more boring parts of the interview, I'll just get straight to the fun part.

We were placed in pairs and we were given the most ridiculous products they could find in the store and asked us to sell it to a specific individual. My partner and I had the joy of selling a Darth Maul alarm clock to a grandma... I had no idea what to do. I do not do sales. My partner and I examined the packaging and determined that the only way this would have any appeal to a grandma would be if they were buying it for their grandchild. So, we went with that. As the other groups began presenting, they were all acting their sales pitch out. I turned to my partner and asked him if he wanted to act this out. He agreed that it was probably best and I put on my improv face. I haven't done any improv acting since high school... And even then, it wasn't the best. I was far more appreciated in choir.

Our turn came and I explained that we were given this ridiculous alarm clock and that I would be playing a grandma... As I hunched over and began to speak with a Brittish accent. The entire panel of managers roared. They laughed so hard! I asked my partner things like "What is Star Wars?" "Is this appropriate for my grandson? He's 10." We ended the scene when I had accepted the product. I literally got a round of applause and as I shook their hands to leave, one of the members of the panel referred to me as "The Queen". I nearly died.

I obviously focused on being very professional and put together at all other moments of the interview. Hahahaha. Honestly, if they don't want to hire me after that hilarity, I don't know what else I could have done to convince them. My sense of humor is obviously my best quality, in my humble opinion.

Funny Friday: ______ gone wrong

At my work, we have a code for calling the police and it is "call the bacon." Now, we only call them for emergencies. Some people, however, like to call them for less important things...

I have officially decided that I will not be a 911 dispatcher any time soon. Far too many incompetent people. When I was the owner of a blackberry, I accidentally called 911. Anyone who has a blackberry knows how easy it is to do so. I didn't even realize that that had happened because it was 7:30am and they called me back immediately and I sheepishly admitted to my pocket dial. They informed me however that if this does happen, that you should stay on the line and let them know because they have to call back if you hang up before speaking to someone. Just a fun fact!

I also love, love, love dances that end horribly. Oh. My. Goodness. Nothing funnier. For example:

I always assume that people are fine when I watch falling videos, otherwise I want to cry. And put them in a spinal hold. 

Have a great weekend!

What I've learned in 2 decades...

I know that I have technically been an adult for 2 years now, but I actually feel like a grown up now. I mean not very many people take 18 or 19 year olds very seriously... Heck, I didn't take myself very seriously. I've never really felt like life was passing me by until today. Did I blink? Is this what all the old people keep talking about?

And this is last year's guide... AH!

I feel that I've learned a lot in the last 10 years. I've done a lot of personal growth and I find it seriously amazing that I have come to the point in my life where people come to me for advice... Yeah. I know. What are these people thinking? Anyways, for my birthday, I thought I would share some of my 20 year old wisdom with you all. 

Let it all go. If there is anything I know for sure, it's that very, very few things are in your control. What offends people, who you remain close with, the opportunities you are denied or given... The only things you can control is your attitude and how you choose to act. The rest you have to let go. The bitterness is self-inflicted and you are the only one stopping you from being the happiest you've ever been. Stop holding grudges, being offended, saying mean things about people... Just live your life! (Thanks Rihanna.)

Be kind. This is something that has been more recently, can we all just stop hating each other? Is that so difficult? Stop talking about people behind their backs. Don't say mean things about people! If you wouldn't want someone saying that about you, then maybe you shouldn't be saying it... 

Not only have I learned the importance of being kind to others, I have learned to be kind to myself. We are our biggest critics and you need to learn to LET GO of all the small things you don't like about yourself. A small thing that I don't like about myself, that I will share, are my eyebrows. They are monstrous when I do not weed whack them. I hate them. A lot. They're a pain in the butt. I've accepted that I have huge eyebrows and have found a miraculous woman to tame them for me. (If you want her contact info, message me. She is amazing.) Sure, a lot of things that we don't like about ourselves are not so easily resolved as finding a great aesthetician but you can learn to deal with them. When it comes to character flaws, you need to learn to forgive yourself for your short comings. No one is perfect. I know women struggle with their appearances, but God makes no mistakes. You are beautiful.

While I could go on for days about all the things I have learned, I will stop here. I hope you're all having a fabulous day! Also, happy birthday America... Your party is always so much cooler than mine...

The Worst Thief Who Ever Lived...

Easter morning at 9am, my mother came down to "chat" with me. My sister had stayed out all night and she was a little worried. "Julie, where is Elise? Did she say she was going anywhere after she dropped off Graeme last night?" I was still very asleep but the phrase "Am I my sister's keeper?" resounded within me. I groggily informed her that I had been innocently writing my talk last night and that I had not left my room after approximately 11:45pm. She was satisfied with that answer and left to go to church.

About 30 seconds after she left, she came back to my room freaking out. This time, she informed me that I had left the car unlocked after using it Saturday afternoon. I, again, groggily asked her if she had used it Saturday night. She was not pleased with this response. "ARE YOU TRYING TO BLAME ME FOR THIS, JULIE?!" From that point forward in the conversation, I did more listening than talking.

After my mom had actually left for church, I went to the car window to look at what was missing.  I saw immediately the GPS and the Bluetooth hands-free device were still in the car. Two obviously pricey items that you could make a good profit on. I looked for the owner's manual/ownership/insurance and they were nowhere to be seen. This terrified me. What could someone do with our ownership?

I went to church and had an amazing Easter Sunday. (Can I just say that I love Jesus?) Afterwards, Elise made our way to our grandma's house for dinner. When we had both had our dinner, I told my mom about the missing ownership. She. Freaked. Out. "I've seen documentaries on this sort of thing! He's selling our car right now! Someone will show up with registration in their name!" I just sat there... Well, if that does happen... That would suck, because I just payed to have that car fixed. Meanwhile, Mom is still freaking out. My thought was there's nothing we can do about it until that actually happens.

Elise and I then left a bit early to go and pick up my Dad and brother Colin from the airport. They were coming back from Vegas that day. We stopped by the house before heading to the airport to see if the car was actually missing the insurance or if I had simply not seen it when I peered through the window that morning. We also checked to see if the car would actually start, seeing as the door was left open by our visitor the night before. As I rummaged through the things on the seat that had been pulled out of the centre console and the glove box, I found the ownership. Which was a huge relief. I continued to look through our things to see if there was anything missing. The $80 bottle of tanning lotion was still there, all of our CDs, my brother's wallet...

I sighed when I saw my brother's wallet. I can't believe this guy took all of my brother's money out of his wallet, that's so mean. There was nothing left but a receipt. I opened the wallet to see which brother had left his wallet it in the car. Only to find that it was a young man who had no relation to me... That lived not too far from us. Who had broken into our car that night. The young man had gone into our car, probably stole some spare change, and left his wallet behind.

I suddenly felt like Sherlock Holmes. Absolute genius.

Elementary, dear Watson.

Elise and I were in complete hysteria all the way to the airport. When we relayed the story to my father, he had decided that he would turn the wallet into the police, rather than Elise and I's plan to go blackmail him. Muahaha!

We turned the wallet into the police on Monday. We found out soon after the wallet was turned in that the young man had actually been arrested on other charges earlier that day... Not only did he have a failed attempt at robbing us, he also messed up one of his other criminal offences and was caught/arrested. Ohhh, the second rate criminals of my lovely town.

I hope you've all had a great last month. I know I've been slacking on the blog posts but I promise to be better... I'll try. Please still love me?

Funny Fridays: The Student Life

I know a lot of people are in exams right now for university/college. To honour those mourning the loss of their social lives, I present this week's funny friday. A collection of funnies of the stresses and frustrations of being a student... I haven't been in school for almost 2 years now. (Ahhhh.) But I remember it well. Exams are not fun.

I've never experienced this first hand, but I imagine that this is what it's like to pull an all nighter.

Now a lot of you may be wondering, why is this all so funny and exciting for someone who is not in school? Well, it is so exciting and awesome because I've accepted an offer for college! I'm going to college for a Social Service Worker program in the fall and I could not be more enthused about my choice! I'm going to be staying at home and going to school. I can't wait to start learning again!

With that announcement, I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Funny Fridays: The Grammar Nazi

I should be doing many things aside from posting on my blog...

Cleaning my room.
Doing laundry.
Sorting my mail.
Doing laundry.
Laundry.
Laundry.
Laundry.

Being the queen of procrastination that I am; I decided that it was a Good Friday for a Funny Friday.

Today, I would like to post about grammar. I must say that I am shocked at how many people my age and older still do not understand the difference between they're, their and there. I swear we went through this in grade school. Early on, not grade seven or eight.

THEY'RE - They are.
THERE - To indicate a place or location. Note: Similar spelling to where.
THEIR - Used to indicate possession. Example: Their poo smelled very bad.

Why am I such a grammar nazi? Probably because I'm french. I've had so many lessons on grammar in French, that I'm amazed at how many people mess up their homonyms in English. (It is seriously the easiest language ever.) Also, most of these people don't even speak another language! I can understand if English is not your first language... If you can only read and write in English, at least try to be good at it.

Commas, proper use of homonyms, saying declarative sentences with declarative tones can make you sound and look exponentially more intelligent than you actually are! I love the spoken and written word, but some people just ruin it for all of us. They ruin it alot. Now I love Hyperbole and a Half. It's a great blog that I love to follow. Why? Because she is SO FUNNY and her drawings are always bang on.

Here is her post on her grammar nazi tendencies.

The last thing I would like to share for today is The Dramatic Reading of a Break Up Letter. Some of you may be familiar with this as it has been up for quite some time, but I just laugh every single time. I can't even stop myself. And I reference it quite a bit... So if you ever see me, feel free to make a reference and watch me explode with joy/laughter.

I hope you're all having a lovely Easter weekend with your families!

Funny Fridays: Shock & Awe

There are certain things, especially on the internet, that I wish I could just remove from my memory entirely. Things where I can really just think... WHY?! Things that are shockingly awful. Those things that you're just so surprised to see, that you have to show everyone. Kind of like the show Hoarders. No one likes to ACTUALLY watch Hoarders. You just find it so shocking that you weirdly enjoy it...

These were a few of my favourite things...

Do you really? Because the thought of doing this makes the taste bile just happen.

WHY?! OH MY GOODNESS, WHY?!

I feel bad for the guy... But this is just so funny!

And the piece de resistance!

I can't imagine my first kiss being caught on video camera, going viral on the internet and it looking that painful. ALL AT ONCE. So embarrassing.

Have a lovely weekend!

Funny Fridays: Being A Jerk

Now, I do not approve of just being a jerk for no reason. I work in customer service. But sometimes, to make a really funny joke... You come across as a meanie. Sometimes, not on purpose and sometimes on purpose.

This leads to our funny friday for today. And to why I love being Canadian. SO MUCH.

The lighthouse station called Arctowski is probably the most southerly lighthouse in the world. Built at the Polish research station in Antarctica named after Henryk Arctowski, the famous 19th century Polish geographer and Antarctic explorer. Situated on King George Island in the South Shetlands group, its geographical position is 62o10'S, 58o28'W.
The following is the transcript of the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland: 

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. It's your call, over...

How fantastic is that?!

Now this next one... Sigh. Is just so my job. I work with these jerks all the time. But I have to admit, they're quite funny. So I just laugh it off. After yelling about how stupid they are!

I am so glad I only work with inbound calls. No one goes out of their way to do this to people when they're calling to complain about their cars!

Finally, the last funny friday of the day. Don't even reply. Also known as e-mails from an a-hole. He just finds ads on craigslist, replies to them, and just tries to disturb people to their very core. It usually ends up with a lot of swearing. You've been warned.

But for my lovely and clean funny fridays, I have picked one out that has no such vulgarity.

Click here to see it.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

Funny Fridays: Le Rage

Since I have had my iphone, I have downloaded one of my favourite apps of all time. This would be the rage comics app. Now what is a rage comic? I'm sure you're all familiar with my Harry Potter vs. Twilight and all the lovely photos I posted. It's quite a bit like that, except that people use situations that happened in real life. I can't even believe some of them are true, but they are still so funny.

So, I've collected a few of my favourites to share with you today! I hope you enjoy them. (Click to enlarge any of the photos!)

So basically, this is what has been filling my time outside of blogging these last few months... I mean really, is this not hilarious? Don't you ALL want iphones now?!

Happy weekend!

See more rage comics here.

Funny Friday: The Little Ones

I love children. They are so funny! And what is the best part about hilarious kids? They never know that they're funny. They just do what their parents tell them, or believe it blindly. It's so fantastic. I miss shows like "Kids Say The Darndest Things" because kids are SO innocent, they could be saying or doing something totally inappropriate and they would NEVER know! Which makes it so much better then adults who just do it so blatantly to make people like me feel super uncomfortable. (Myself being somewhat of a prude.)

I've come to the realization that youtube is the funniest thing ever. EVER.

For our first video, we have a young boys randition of Sexy & I Know It by LMFAO.

Second is probably my favourite referencing video lately...

With my new iphone, I've found a love for rage comics. This one made me laugh out loud. While I read it alone in my bed...

Happy weekend! I'm off to Ottawa for my Great Grandma's 95th birthday party! It's going to be a hoot!

Funny Fridays: Tweets of a Lifeguard.

I miss lifeguarding. I've said it. Pheew. I miss my fantastic coworkers, being out in the sun all day. I miss that accomplished and pissed off feeling you get after jumping in for someone. I miss the sun. Oh my gosh. It is getting so cold! I'm not saying I could handle the July heat (40 degrees plus) every day... Because I know I couldn't. But not having to lay under blankets every day would be really nice.

Anyways, over the summer with my twitter, I would tweet with the hashtag #lifeofalifeguard. This made it insanely easy to track down every tweet about guarding ever posted by myself, or that someone else posted that I shared with my peeps. (It's called retweeting for you n00bs out there.)

Cheers to a throwback!

Is it a pair of sunglasses? A wallet? Oh... It's weave...

My bed time is 10:30pm. Staying up past midnight is a bad idea.

Half asleep. Imagine someone dying at your pool. Twitch and you're suddenly fully awake.

Honestly... I just want to sleep right now. Swimsuit still on. Whistle still on. Covered in dirt. (I ended up actually doing this... I was really tired...)

I just realized how many boobs I see in a day at work... #notintoit

My hair is so fried... It feels like 3 month old walmart weave. #wah

No matter how long I lay on the beach these tan lines won't go away.

There should be an age limit on bikinis lol my eyes are bleeding!

YOU! DROWN! i can't just stand here all day! #its2hot4that

Clean as a whistle... Does not seem so clean anymore.

Money first, safety second. (I did not say this, some coworkers and I were mimicking the owner of our park.)

My nose is more tan then the rest of my body…

I'm so hot but I don't want to further damage my hair by getting in the water.

I seriously messed up my tan today... :( (Never apply your own sunscreen to your back. Ever.)

Pretty sure I pulled a muscle when I pulled a 30 pound kid out of a slide a few days ago…

Friends who save together, stay together.

The top of my legs have like no fat left on them after walking up 160 stairs everyday all summer.

I think I'm as tan as a person on Jersey Shore.

You talk to your fellow guard friends about how much hatred you have for pants.

Going up stairs does not phase me anymore.

Everytime I exfoliate a part of me dies inside. #tan

Everytime I watch the first scene of A Walk to Remember, I freak out inside.

Saving lives one band aid at a time.

People always complain about lifeguards not doing their jobs... You try guarding 100+ people for an hour...

I might sound rude. It's my job to watch people swim... But if people weren't so careless with their LIVES, no one would need lifeguards.

Indians really think it's funny to drown and have the lifeguard go in and save them... Really?

I want to go back to the days I was a lifeguard when I used to get paid to chill..

I wish everything was easy as being a lifeguard

Dear non-swimmer in the deep end, stop telling me you're okay. You're gonna freakin die. MOVE BACK. Sincerely, the lifeguard who's yelling.

I have to pee SO bad. But I don't want to take off the 1 piece...

I had a coworker tell me "you look so different in civies!" today, when I showed up to pick up my brother... #relief

Dear Hair, would it kill you to look pretty on my day off? Sincerely, Lifeguard.

The worst part of working at an outdoor facility is how your feet look at the end of the night. #lifeguardtroubles #returnofthetrenchfoot

Dear Swimmers, please be prepared to be put on a backboard if you play dead. Sincerely, the lifeguards.

Dear old men at my swimming pool, please stop wearing tiny speedos. NO ONE likes it. Sincerely, lifeguard.

My waitress asked me today if I was a lifeguard because I'm so tan. SOOOO HAPPY!

GTL. Gym, Tan, Lifeguard.

Funny Fridays: Sexy Sax Man

Most people don't know this about me, but I played the saxophone in high school for 3 years. I was in the concert band and everything. Yep, I was a band geek for a long time. But that alone, makes this so much funnier to me.

I introduce to you, Sexy Sax Man.