Funny Fridays: Tweets of a Lifeguard.

I miss lifeguarding. I've said it. Pheew. I miss my fantastic coworkers, being out in the sun all day. I miss that accomplished and pissed off feeling you get after jumping in for someone. I miss the sun. Oh my gosh. It is getting so cold! I'm not saying I could handle the July heat (40 degrees plus) every day... Because I know I couldn't. But not having to lay under blankets every day would be really nice.

Anyways, over the summer with my twitter, I would tweet with the hashtag #lifeofalifeguard. This made it insanely easy to track down every tweet about guarding ever posted by myself, or that someone else posted that I shared with my peeps. (It's called retweeting for you n00bs out there.)

Cheers to a throwback!

Is it a pair of sunglasses? A wallet? Oh... It's weave...

My bed time is 10:30pm. Staying up past midnight is a bad idea.

Half asleep. Imagine someone dying at your pool. Twitch and you're suddenly fully awake.

Honestly... I just want to sleep right now. Swimsuit still on. Whistle still on. Covered in dirt. (I ended up actually doing this... I was really tired...)

I just realized how many boobs I see in a day at work... #notintoit

My hair is so fried... It feels like 3 month old walmart weave. #wah

No matter how long I lay on the beach these tan lines won't go away.

There should be an age limit on bikinis lol my eyes are bleeding!

YOU! DROWN! i can't just stand here all day! #its2hot4that

Clean as a whistle... Does not seem so clean anymore.

Money first, safety second. (I did not say this, some coworkers and I were mimicking the owner of our park.)

My nose is more tan then the rest of my body…

I'm so hot but I don't want to further damage my hair by getting in the water.

I seriously messed up my tan today... :( (Never apply your own sunscreen to your back. Ever.)

Pretty sure I pulled a muscle when I pulled a 30 pound kid out of a slide a few days ago…

Friends who save together, stay together.

The top of my legs have like no fat left on them after walking up 160 stairs everyday all summer.

I think I'm as tan as a person on Jersey Shore.

You talk to your fellow guard friends about how much hatred you have for pants.

Going up stairs does not phase me anymore.

Everytime I exfoliate a part of me dies inside. #tan

Everytime I watch the first scene of A Walk to Remember, I freak out inside.

Saving lives one band aid at a time.

People always complain about lifeguards not doing their jobs... You try guarding 100+ people for an hour...

I might sound rude. It's my job to watch people swim... But if people weren't so careless with their LIVES, no one would need lifeguards.

Indians really think it's funny to drown and have the lifeguard go in and save them... Really?

I want to go back to the days I was a lifeguard when I used to get paid to chill..

I wish everything was easy as being a lifeguard

Dear non-swimmer in the deep end, stop telling me you're okay. You're gonna freakin die. MOVE BACK. Sincerely, the lifeguard who's yelling.

I have to pee SO bad. But I don't want to take off the 1 piece...

I had a coworker tell me "you look so different in civies!" today, when I showed up to pick up my brother... #relief

Dear Hair, would it kill you to look pretty on my day off? Sincerely, Lifeguard.

The worst part of working at an outdoor facility is how your feet look at the end of the night. #lifeguardtroubles #returnofthetrenchfoot

Dear Swimmers, please be prepared to be put on a backboard if you play dead. Sincerely, the lifeguards.

Dear old men at my swimming pool, please stop wearing tiny speedos. NO ONE likes it. Sincerely, lifeguard.

My waitress asked me today if I was a lifeguard because I'm so tan. SOOOO HAPPY!

GTL. Gym, Tan, Lifeguard.