Life of a Lifeguard

I get home from work and the last thing I want to do is take a shower. (I just spent the whole day in the water, cut me some slack.)

Do I shower at night after work? Or in the morning before work? It all seems pointless. I'm just going to get dirty again anyways!

I am afraid of skin cancer, but constantly worry about bad tan lines.

I constantly smell like dirt and sunscreen.

I am a racist lifeguard. All the white kids know how to swim... I swear!

I spend half my day trying to stay dry. The other half, I spend wet.

I pray for rain and thunder showers. Who wants to swim in the rain?

It is not inappropriate to touch your coworkers... ALL OVER. To assist with the application of sunscreen.

Am I sunburnt? Or just really really REALLY tan?

I will get extremely irritated if I do not get my 15 minute break at the exact 2 and a half hour mark.

I make a conscious effort not to fall asleep at work. Because really, it's insanely easy to do. 

I use my whistle to cat call my coworkers. 

Shaving is avoided. (Really though... Who wants to shave every freaking day? NOT ME.)

Schedule looks like this...

9:30am - 7pm. Every. Single. Day.

Click to enlarge.

I'm going to bed after an exhausting 6 day week.

Goodnight!